bokey wrote: 

he identified them.  poor kid. 

 meower wrote: 
Oh the kid? They won't see him no more.

 onlylynne wrote: 

take the gold, leave the kid

 meower wrote: 
"Just don't drop the jewels!" 

I think Im doing a better job than my parents at bringing up my two.
That should be enough.

http://www.philly.com/philly/wires/ap/news/state/pennsylvania/20100301_ap_couplechargedinrobberywherechildleftbehind.html

Couple charged in robbery where child left behind

 green1706 wrote: 
The purpose of a parent is to raise a child to be a kind and loving human being. To be able to take care of themself and extend that care to others, if possible. A parent's job is not to bend a child's will to their own, but to allow the child to become their true self.

Rudolph Dreiker's book Children the Challenge is an excellent guide for raising a child. It supports natural and logical consequences. A natural consequence would be, if you go out in the rain, you get wet. A logical consequence is, if you forget your lunch, you go hungry.

I saw that someone said to take the emotionality out of discipline. That is a good suggestion. Also, always act out of love, and if you are feeling that you can't at that moment, take yourself out of the situation until you feel better.

 Xeric wrote: 
hey!!

 glassbuteo wrote: 
almost the same spread as mine! 

 green1706 wrote: 
I think about parenting too much (mine are 24 and 16.)  Here's a few random ideas (sorry it's advice-y):

- Our generation has failed the next by coddling, overprotecting, and being way overinvolved.

- Kids must learn — early on — the lessons of surviving difficulty and overcoming hardship.  I don't mean hurt or abandon them, but we've been preventing them from learning this, and it's resulted in aimlessness, and some weakness.

- Boundaries.  Clear and completely unemotional. 

- Non-reactivity is key.  Stability at home is good for kids.

- When they're teens... the best advice I learned is this: You've already taught them the basics.  Your job now is to be the person they can talk to when their world is coming unglued.  Be someone they can turn to when things are bad.

- Our main goal was just to try to get out of the way, and not f*ck 'em up too much.

- Parenting is insanely expensive, exhausting, and humiliating.  I don't know how anyone survives it.  Don't expect rewards, or to be paid back in any way for all you put into it. 

- In our house, I'm too much the friend, and hubby is too much the rule keeper.  We both need to come a little closer to the middle.

- My favorite line from the movie "Spanglish"... "I live my life for myself.  You live your life for your daughter. None of it works." 

I'm exhausted just thinking about all these years of parenting. 

I read the thread title and thought, "Boy, there's a bad combination."

Just kidding, though.  My relationships with both my folks and my stepkids are just fine and we enjoy each other's company.

 green1706 wrote: 

Sorry, I just do survival.

 jadewahoo wrote: 

 green1706 wrote: 
congrats!! Being a parent is the biggest, worst, most fun, and satisfying challenge there is.

You obviously know the answer yourself already. A good mix, and it changes. Sometimes my wife and I play good cop/bad cop which is not always a good thing if the kid learns the ropes quickly and starts playing you off against each other, so the most important thing is some kind of bottom line consensus between the two parents. Above that there is room for leeway. Give the kids the support and safe harbor they need, but don't spoil them by taking all the hard decisions away from them. We try to make Finn make his own choices by giving him clear rules to act within. "Imposing your will" is bit too direct for my taste. Persuasion tends to work better for us as long as the kid understands where the limits are.

 green1706 wrote: 
Neither autocratic nor buddy-buddy is a healthy relationship. A parent must be clear, firm, having the capacity of follow through and consequence. The child has differing needs as he/she grows. In the early years the mere loving presence of the parent suffices. As the child grows and matures he/she requires clear, well defined boundaries with a fair measure of discipline and accolade. By the time the child reaches their teen years the parent must have on hand ropes, stacks of cash for bribery - or simply getting them out of the house - double-bolted locks on the teen's doors and a well-practiced parental escape route should the teen become too overbearing.

What is the ideal relationship between parents and children? This relationship should be more severe, parents imposing their terms automatically, or should it be a friendship? In the latter case, if the child benefit from parents' indulgence and do something stupid? I know that the situation varies from case to case, but I speak in general. My husband and I get ready to be parents again, we want to adopt for the first time, and therefore we want more opinions. So, what do you think?