Location: Really deep in the heart of South California Gender:
May 7, 2022 - 11:34am
Two blondes walk into a bar, and each orders a
drink. They go and sit down and start toasting and cheering, "51 days!
51 days!!" About five minutes later, another blonde walks in, orders a
drink, and joins the other two in the cheering. Finally, a fourth blonde
walks in with what looks like a cardboard picture. She puts the picture
thing in the middle of the table and starts cheering with the others,
"51 days! 51 days!!"
The bartender starts to get really curious, so he
walks over to discover that the picture is a Cookie Monster puzzle. He
walks over to one of the blondes and asks, "What on earth are you
doing?" "Well," the blonde says, "everyone thinks blondes are so
stupid, so we proved them wrong. On the box of this puzzle, it says 2-4
years, but we finished it in only 51 days!!"
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, âWell, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. Iâm not sure the IRS finds that believable.â
âIâm a great gambler, and I can prove it,â says Grandpa. âHow about a demonstration?â
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, âOkay. Go ahead.â
Grandpa says, âIâll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.â
The auditor thinks a moment and says, âItâs a bet.â
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditorâs jaw drops.
Grandpa says, âNow, Iâll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.â
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isnât blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpaâs attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
âWant to go double or nothing?â Grandpa asks. âIâll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.â
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides thereâs no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he canât make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he ends up urinating all over the auditorâs desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpaâs own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
âAre you okay?â the auditor asks.
âNot really,â says the attorney. âThis morning, when Grandpa told me heâd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that youâd be happy about it!â
I think of 2020 as being more like a world war than a crazy woman. In which the Allies (N. America and EU) are loosing 40,000 people per week right now, while the Axis powers (East Asia) are loosing about 100 per week.