I've had a few from the good old US of A recently, usually from the IRS (WTF!) but this one is great
——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-
New York State - Department of Motor Vehicles
UNIFORM TRAFFIC TICKET
POLICE AGENCY
NEW YORK STATE POLICE
Local Police Code
THE PERSON DESCRIBED ABOVE IS CHARGED AS FOLLOWS

Time
7:25 AM
Date of Offense
07/02/2011
IN VIOLATION OF
NYS V AND T LAW
Description of Violation
SPEED OVER 55 ZONE
TO PLEAD, PRINT OUT THE ENCLOSED TICKET AND SEND IT TO TOWN COURT, CHATAM HALL., PO BOX 117

 

 Manbird wrote: 
I'm moving on up to Velveeta.

 Coaxial wrote: 
That's OK - cubed cheese can be quite tasty as well. 

 Manbird wrote: 
I've heard about such things but they are way out of my league.

 Coaxial wrote: 
You order a few things from Knikken Knokken, take a trip to visit Uncle Lomax, install a few cheese graters in the bathroom and POOF, it's all gone, you know what I mean?

 Manbird wrote: 

 Coaxial wrote: 
Bah. 2.5 million's nothing these days.

 Manbird wrote: 
WOOOHOOO! I just knew your luck was going to change. Don't forget about us little people.

ATTENTION TO THE OWNER OF THIS EMAIL ADDRESS.

We the International Webmasters Association (IWA) are pleased to notify you of your

Electronic Award for 2.5, million, you email address emerged as a winner in 3rd category of

our recently concluded sweepstakes for email providers.

Details of your winning prize are as follows;

E-ticket number: 8505ENTH/2011-06

BATCH: EL/P-226539029

Draw: EL/BFO-9380410

Amount: 2.5, million Dollars

You are required to establish contact with your claims agent via e-mail with the particulars

presented below:

***********************************************

CLAIMS AGENT

Contact: Mr. Christof Reed

Phone: +27 78 0068711

Email: christofreed@webmail.co.za

Foreign Claims Agent South Africa Office.

***********************************************

In line with the governing rules of claim, you are requested to furnish Mr. Becker with the

following information:

1. Full name... 2. Address.... 3. Occupation... 4. Tel/Fax.... 5. Cell/Mobile.... 6. Age... 7..

Winning Ref Number...........

NOTE: You are expected to contact the Enquiry Officer for details of claims.

Thuy Le

Promotions Co-ordinator.

N.B. Any breach of confidentiality on the part of the Winners will result to disqualification.

NOTE: Do not reply this mail. You are to contact your claims officer immediately. In order to

avoid unnecessary delays and complications, please remember to quote your reference number

in every one of your correspondences.

Your personal Facebook and Banking information has been publeshed.

Please click here to view further information

This service is provided to you by the Federal Reserve Board. Visit us on the web at http://www.federalreserve.gov.

 hobiejoe wrote: 
I just never realized how wrong some words in my industry can sound. Single insertion per issue £40. Of which I handle the advertising for is just interesting grammar.

 ScottFromWyoming wrote: 
Isn't that a very long-distance account for you to handle?

 hobiejoe wrote: 

 
of which I handle the advertising for 

Good grief. I have just been spammed by the WI! The Womens Institute. WTF?
 

 

I hope you are well. I am contacting you on behalf of the Women's Institute Devon newsletter; the ladies monthly magazine, of which I handle the advertising for. The ladies love to receive their magazine on the 1^st of every month and enjoy looking at what events and services that are available for themselves, groups, family and friends.

 

These monthly newsletters are delivered directly to each and every members homes with extra publications being printed for the W.I ladies to handout at public events and to use as their own marketing tool to recruit new members.

 

I am working on the September issue onwards now with the deadline being 10^th August.

 

We have a great in house design team that would be happy to help with any design needs and could create or amend an advert for you free of charge. I have attached the rates for you to view, however discounts are available if you wish to take more than 1 months advertising. The rates below show the costs of a single insertion, against the rates for the run.

 

If you wish to take a run of September, October, November, and Dec/Jan (bi-monthly issue) 20% will be taken off the price for each advert!

 

(per issue)                                                     (per issue)

SINGLE INSERTION                                  4 ISSUE RUN

1/16 £40                                                         1/16 £32

1/8 £85                                                           1/8 £68

1/4  £140                                                        1/4 £112

1/2  £240                                                        1/2 £192                                                                                  

full page £450                                              full page £360

 

I do also cover 10 other counties and a list of these can be provided should you require.

 

I look forward to hearing from you and please don’t hesitate to contact me with any queries.

 

Take care,

 

Charlie

Charlotte Adams

In Connection with the Womens Institute

01536 526678

Dear Sir,

At our art gallery, we offer handmade, oil on canvas reproductions of the Mona Lisa.

It is difficult to tell the original from our reproduction.

For a museum quality (the best quality) reproduction, the prices will be:

 

20 wide x 30 inch high  $244.79 USD

24 wide x 35 inch high  $280.19 USD

36 wide x 53 inch high  $482.09 USD

(1 inch = 2.54 cm)

Shipping Notes Delivered unframed in protective tube normally within 25 business days.

Worldwide FREE Shipping.

All shipments are insured and are hand delivered to the shipping address you provide.

Since painting with oil on canvas is a complicated, time-consuming process, our artists will spend 25 business days creating the masterpiece.

We need to spend so many days, however, our prices are low. 

If you want to order this painting, please tell us the size you would like.

You can pay with PayPal, so shopping at our art gallery is risk free.

* You can issue a refund from PayPal, if you do not reiceve your painting. 

* You have up to 60 days to refund the payment.

Our artist will begin the work on your painting today, once we receive your payment. 

Thank you and best reagards,

Hebe

To the person who started this thread.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

For all the wonderful investment opportunities, many of which I have taken up.

Although I have made only a small downpayment on each (in total, my life savings) I can expect to receive a wonderful return on my investment once the many diplomats, ambassadors and petrolium fortune beneficiaries have scrutinized my deposit and ascertained that I am, in fact, a gentleman of "the highest moral fortitude".

Given the sums involved, I can expect the 25-35% I will receive for my services to be more than adequate to settle my many debts. Heck, I may even be able to keep the family home for which the bank is forever reminding me that I am behind on my mortgage payments and may need to foreclose.

I hope you all don't think that I am greedy. I will be more than happy to share the proceeds of my investments once I have repayed my debts and, given a little money to family. Especially, my aged mother who has been somewhat unfortunate in her own investments and, would you believe, the victim of a nasty scam!

I need to go now, as I have to feed my seven children (it takes a while to open that many cans of beans) before "Dr.El-Baba Linkon Ph.D,FNSE,mni" returns my call.

Perhaps you will all be good enough to transfer $50 each into my paypal account so that I can ascertain that you are all in fact real people, (except Cookinlover whom I have already met and just about qualifies), before I begin to allocate the remainder of my proceeds.

May god bless kindly upon your families

 katzendogs wrote: 
Hahaha! You just told everybody your real name!!

The lamest?

Good day.
I am Mr Oxford Luise, Head of Foreign operation in one of the leading banks in  Europe (name withheld). I am contacting you for a confidential transaction involving the Legitimate transfer and investment of $23.8 Million dollars.
I will give you all the details as soon as I received your response with your full details.
Thank you.
Mr. Oxford Luise

 laprincessa wrote: 
So he went from Edwards to McCulley? Jimmy to Terence? What is his name?