hippiechick wrote: 

 Well yeah - there's book learnin' and there's field experience - that's for sure.

 justlistening wrote: 
Good show sir! You are indeed one who practices what he preaches!

I learned about sex in my dorm room as a freshman. We used to take turns reading "Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex" and another book, the author's name. I believe, was X. Hard to believe, most of my friends came to college as virgins.

"I thought I was saving myself for marriage, but then I found out I was just saving myself for college."
—Kirstie Alley

 sirdroseph wrote: 
My daughters are adopted - so as part of explaining this to them we related how young their mom's were and how they had no choice to give them up because they couldn't take care of them.  As they've grown older, their understanding of this has grown.  It's served as a good example to them as to why it's important to consider everything about sex seriously - or maturely.

As for the lament part - not sure if I'm as down on the human race  - but thinking about how crowded this world is and the challenges our kids face with pollution, resources, etc. - it helped us decide about adopting children already in the world rather than creating more than the one my ex and I already had.

 rosedraws wrote: 

I agree on the mechanics - eww.  I learned a bunch about that at a farily early age from a couple of college-level Human Sexuality books stored in the attic of my home   - I would go up there and try to find good books to read - I was a voracious reader at that age - I don't think anyone remembered they were stored up there.

My kids - although a public school - had a pretty progressive sex-ed.  Both their mom and I signed off on it.

And yes - Dave Barry - funny.

 meower wrote: 


This is an interesting co version. Growing up I couldnt talk about anything at all with my parents- so a sex talk wasn't an option . I got the facts at catholic school ( ie this is a penis- STAY AWAY FROM IT!!!!) so I've I tentionally tried to be really casual & open about it since the kids were really little . They seem to be pretty free about asking questions & so it's not too uncomfortable - I think. And I preface answers with- I know it's weird talking to your mother about this.... Plus, they see Buster & his girlfriend going at it all the time...

 justlistening wrote: 

I was the same way with my kid, I would feely and honestly answer any questions he had about anything. I was frank and honest. When it came to reproduction, I just told him to look at all of his older cousins and uncles that had children too early and struggled through life to make ends meet. I told him to pay attention and watch carefully that having a child is obviously irreversible and there you have it. Seemed to work for him. I also told him that if it were legal, I would hire a doctor to come in the middle of the night; chloroform him and snip him just like we do all of our animals. I am one of those people that laments every child born, humans are like cockroaches. Of course, I keep these opinions to myself IRL and smile and offer congratulations to all these kids having kids.  He is well aware that I don't even want to be a grandparent at all, but if I must maybe he could wait until after I died (half joking).

 justlistening wrote: 
Our number one job I think, is to be the one place where kids can talk to us about anything.  This only matters when they're older, but the stage gets set when they're young.

We were SO lucky.  Because we bartered the kids into private school, they had awesome community and smaller classes and the topic of sex was introduced formally in 5th grade (they did the carry-around-a-baby-24/7 exercise), then more in-depth, personal discussions (gender separate) happened in 8th grade.

At home we made sure that there was nothing secretive or heavy about it, we made a lot of jokes.  But the relief was that the mechanics were explained by someone who was *not* the parent - ew.

Except... my hubby was the teacher of the in-depth discussion for boys the year our son was in 8th grade... so Dad was the sex teacher.  But the class was SO damn fun that the hubby was all those boys' favorite teacher, and our son was proud of him.

It seems to me that Public Middle School is absurdly sexualized.  We were outrageously fortunate, to have access to the alternative school through those years.

That said, my favorite book on the subject is Dave Barry's "Babies and other hazards of sex".  But it's not for kids.

 MrsHobieJoe wrote: 

My family was what I would guess is called "child-driven" these days.  They'd gladly talk about things as the opportunities presented themselves.  I remember sitting around the dinner table when I was 7 or 8 with my mom,dad and sister (who's 7 years older) asking why if birds had eggs for babies how come people didn't.  My dad matter-of-factly stated that although they didn't lay eggs that humans had them too.

I'm sure I looked at him like he was crazy or pulling my leg.  I was cracking up.  I had seen enough pregnant moms to know that babies grew inside mom of course, but he proceeded to tell me how it started from an egg inside the mom.  He didn't go into specifics, but I do remember inbetween my incredulous laughter him explaining how a mom has to have a dad for the egg to become a baby. I believed him at the end of the conversation, and although I didn't really fully comprehend, it all eventually fell into place as I grew and thought of more questions.

I have to admit, as an adult now, I really appreciate the easy way my parents would try to talk about things - as if there were nothing secretive or horrible - they would just explain.  I didn't realize it then, but I'm sure that's the reason I always trusted them to answer my questions.  I never felt ashamed or embarassed to ask them things.

It's definitely something I've tried to do with my kids.

 winter wrote: 

We used to say nothing crossed hurts.

 JrzyTmata wrote: 
Fingers crossed. No backsies!

 meower wrote: 
Exactly.

 winter wrote: 

this really is the issue.  

 meower wrote: 
COOTIES!

 MrsHobieJoe wrote: 
including the kids. They dont wanna hear their parent talking about this stuff either.

 sirdroseph wrote: 
I think treating it like a natural part of life is good, but the "figuring it out for themselves" part seems less so. It's a risky business, and they can hurt others or themselves if they don't understand what they need to understand. Plus we all know what kinds of crazy misconceptions kids can get if they just rely on each other for knowledge. And it doesn't leave gay kids much hope of learning anything.

I hated having The Talk with my dad. That memory makes me cringe to this day, and knowing him I'm sure it was NOT easy on his end either. But he did it, and I think it was the right thing to do. 

 meower wrote: 

I know times are different now, but honestly I started having questions about sex when I was 6 or so and there was NO WAY IN HELL I was going to utter a word about that subject to my parents. No one told me not to, it was like it was an inherent, known instinct for all of us growing up that parents were not the people to talk to about sex. We relied solely on each other, wrong or right and it seems to me like that is just the way it was. I read Playboys when I was 7 or 8 and it all seemed natural to me. Never had any hangups, had normal relationships growing up and into adulthood. In other words, when it comes to sex, IMO it should not be treated as an academic learning subject, it is just natural and let them figure it out for themselves. Now that is unless they directly ask you questions, then answer frankly and directly. Don't treat it as a big deal, it is just a part of life. My son turned out to be a fine young Christian gentleman and I assure you I had NOTHING to do with all that!

 meower wrote: 

thank you for a nice non-vague answer

we have had plenty of where do babies come from questions when they were younger and I've tended to stick with "mummies and daddies have to do lots of kissing and cuddling" and I'm specific about body parts etc but thought I'd wait for a more direct question or opportunity as they get to the right age.  This book is quite good at the absolute question that we all cringe at.

 MrsHobieJoe wrote: 
to start the conversation?  If the kid is 10 and hasn't asked ANY questions, it's time to start talking, b/c they're gonna start talking to peers and end up like mzpro   Most kids start questioning tho WAY before 10
There are pics in the book that I posted that are fine, ie: drawings of naked adults to show the parts.....

The kid I'm posting about went to mom and asked "what is sex".....Rather than begin to answer the question, ie: it's something that adults do, makes babies etc.... she said she'd get him a book....

 meower wrote: 

Ahh just get a couple of their 11-12 year old cousins together, get the discussion going and leave them to their conversation - that's pretty much how I learned.  (though there was no organized effort to "get us together" we were at Grandma's birthday party)