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It's my birthday
Posted by triskele - Apr 28, 2015 - 2:56pm |
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(crossposted from my blog)
4 months have passed since I got the most devastating news of my life.
4 months...filled with anxiety, feelings of deep terror, of hopelessness, of despair. Trying to decide how I feel about dying. How I feel about leaving everyone and everything in a way that I have not done before.
4 months...filled with hope, feelings of immeasurable gratitude, of inspiration, of determination. Trying to decide how I feel about living. How I feel about being here, now, and for many years to come, yet changed forever.
The back and forth has been like breathing.
Or both sides of one coin, spinning high through the air.
Right now, the chances of the coin landing LIFE SIDE UP are better and better every day.
I look at myself in the mirror.
I am as hairless and flat chested as a pre-pubescent girl.
There are gashes across my chest, and dark bruises where my lovely breasts used to be. It hurts to move my body. But I am a dancer, so I move.
Sometimes, it hurts just to breathe. But I breathe all the deeper for it.
I do my exercises, and I do my stretches, and I keep working toward being able to open my arms wide.
Wide enough to welcome all that is to come. No matter what it is.
I am waiting for the grief over the loss of my breasts, but right now, the most important thing is healing from the physical shock of having surgery, so the grief will come in its own time.
I don't need to force it, or to rush it.
And today, it's my birthday.
Time to celebrate, to be here now, and be happy....and to begin again.
There is a light, As from many candles..... that is coming from all over the world as people pray for me, hope for me, dance for me, burn candles for me, sing chants for me....and love me.
That light is strong, and it keeps me focused on the path ahead. That light celebrates me, and celebrates my life. I visualize myself taking it all in, and growing ever stronger by it's power.
To everyone out there, I say thank you. Little words that are inadequate to the task...but they're all I have.
Here's to the coin landing LIFE SIDE UP....
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triskele
Location: The Dragons' Roost
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| Posted:
May 9, 2015 - 6:23am |
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 good point, Serious.... |
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SeriousLee
Location: Dans l'milieu d'deux milles livres
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May 9, 2015 - 5:59am |
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Wow.
I tell you now that life is on both sides of that coin.
Be blessed.
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miamizsun
Location: (3261.3 Miles SE of RP)
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May 7, 2015 - 7:17am |
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triskele
Location: The Dragons' Roost
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May 6, 2015 - 8:49am |
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kmh
Location: NY
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| Posted:
May 3, 2015 - 1:16pm |
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Happy Birthday! ...a lovely post.....♥
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geoff_morphini
Soft on the inside
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May 1, 2015 - 11:45am |
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I'm glad you are still with us circling the sun!  |
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p4jkafla
Resident oddball
Location: New England, USA
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May 1, 2015 - 11:34am |
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Lazy8
human
Location: The Gallatin Valley of Montana
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Apr 30, 2015 - 10:00pm |
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ScottN
We're all riders on this train
Location: Half inch above the K/T boundary
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| Posted:
Apr 30, 2015 - 10:50am |
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Wonderful. . Indeed, I'm with Steely...Long May You Run! |
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meower
Location: i believe, i believe, it's silly, but I believe
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Apr 30, 2015 - 4:33am |
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kurtster
Location: drifting
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Apr 29, 2015 - 6:58pm |
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Steely_D
Angular banjoes sound good to me.
Location: Biscayne Bay
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Apr 29, 2015 - 3:43pm |
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bokey
I haven’t seen the Democrats this mad since we freed the slaves
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Apr 29, 2015 - 2:48pm |
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sirdroseph
Endeavor to Perservere
Location: Yes
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Apr 29, 2015 - 2:04am |
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ScottFromWyoming
I eat pints
Location: Powell
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| Posted:
Apr 28, 2015 - 6:05pm |
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Power and strength in that blog.
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Alexandra
Living with passion
Location: PNW
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Apr 28, 2015 - 5:54pm |
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MsJudi
She knew it was time to exceed herself.
Location: Houston, TX
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Apr 28, 2015 - 5:50pm |
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Antigone
Location: A house, in a Virginian Valley
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Apr 28, 2015 - 4:34pm |
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Coaxial
Shine On.
Location: 543 miles west of Paradis,1491 miles east of Paradise
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Apr 28, 2015 - 4:26pm |
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BlueHeronDruid
Location: planting flowers
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| Posted:
Apr 28, 2015 - 3:49pm |
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